Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages and their use in the Workplace

August 16, 2011 at 5:32 am | Posted in communication, love/relationship/marriage, self development/motivation | Leave a comment
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How are you showing your love?

My friend and colleague Cath Lawrence from Kandula just wrote a great post on exactly this topic: Applying the 5 languages of love in the workplace.

This reminded me of the multifaceted usability of Gary Chapman’s approach. If you want to read more about the different love languages, you can find plenty of my articles about it here (click here). His approach on teaching us how different people show love and how different people feel the love that you’re intending to show them has been an integral part of counselling couples, families and children to understand themselves and each other better.  When I’ve worked with this model with couples I have many times that they come back reporting how it not only improves their relationship with each other but also taught them something about how to relate to their work colleagues, employees, friends, children etc.

Personal Benefit

I also found that Continue Reading Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages and their use in the Workplace…

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Love Languages: 10 Tips For Your Relationship

February 20, 2011 at 6:49 pm | Posted in love/relationship/marriage | Leave a comment
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How are you expressing your love?

Based on Dr. Gary Chapman work, there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Here are some tips to help you become more satisfied about your relationship using these love languages as a guide:

Tip #1: Fill up your partner’s love tank

Ask your partner: ‘What could I do today that would make you feel loved and appreciated?’ Start making a list of the things that work best for them and you’ll soon have more ideas about their primary love language. Commit to doing what your partner wished for, given you want to and agree to their suggestion.

Tip #2: Listen to your spouse’s criticism Continue Reading Love Languages: 10 Tips For Your Relationship…

Love Language Part 5 – Physical Touch

November 5, 2008 at 5:56 pm | Posted in communication, love/relationship/marriage | Leave a comment
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Touch

Touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse.

The touch of love may take many forms. Since touch receptors are located throughout the body, lovingly touching your spouse almost anywhere can be an expression of love. That does not mean that all touches are created equal.

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end you need to understand your spouse’s dialect. Continue Reading Love Language Part 5 – Physical Touch…

Love Language Part 4 – Acts Of Service

September 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm | Posted in communication, love/relationship/marriage | Leave a comment
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Actions like cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, vacuuming, taking out the garbage, moving the grass, changing the cat’s litter tray, etc are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.

Within every language, there are many dialects. If you have a spouse with Acts of Service as her primary love language, find the specific things she would like to you help her with by asking her. If you are the person with that specific love language, make a list for your spouse with the things that would help you most.

Remember: love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.

Overcoming Stereotypes

Learning the love language of acts of service will require some of us to re-examine out stereotypes of the roles of husbands and wives. Our actions are influenced by the model of our parents, our own personality, and our perception of love, our emotions, needs, and desires. Only one thing is certain about our behaviour: It will not be the same behaviour we exhibited when we were caught up being ‘in love’.

A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse.

If your spouse’s love language is ACTS OF SERVICE: Continue Reading Love Language Part 4 – Acts Of Service…

Love Language Part 3 – Receiving Gifts

August 27, 2008 at 4:27 pm | Posted in communication, love/relationship/marriage, self development/motivation | 2 Comments
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Receiving gifts can be a meaningful sign of Love

Gifts as a sign of Love

A gift is something that you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter if it costs money.

Gifts need not to expensive, nor must they be given weekly. But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.

Purchased Gifts:

Anything you can imagine, how much it costs is less important than the thought that goes with it. If a millionaire gives only one-dollar gifts regularly, the spouse may question whether that is an expression of love, but when family finances are limited, a one-dollar gift may speak a million dollars worth of love.

Gifts you find:

For example a flower from the yard or side of the road, a shell from the beach, a special stick etc. Anything that you add meaning to.

The Gift of Self:

There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand. This is the gift of self or the gift of presence. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the one whose primary love language is receiving gifts.

If your spouse’s love language is RECEIVING GIFTS: Continue Reading Love Language Part 3 – Receiving Gifts…

Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time

May 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm | Posted in communication, love/relationship/marriage | Leave a comment
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Giving someone your undivided attention is spending ‘quality time’ with them. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Togetherness has to be focused attention. The important thing emotionally is that you are spending focused time with each other. The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness.

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.

Togetherness:

Spending time together with focused attention. What happens on an emotional level is what matters. It communicates that you care about each other, that you enjoy being with each other, that you like to do things together.

Quality conversation:

Quality conversation is sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feeling, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.

Some practical tips: Continue Reading Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time…

Love Language Part 1 – Words Of Affirmation

March 25, 2008 at 11:18 am | Posted in communication, love/relationship/marriage | 2 Comments
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Verbal compliments, or words of affirmation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:

“You look sharp in that suit.”
“Do you ever look nice in that dress! Wow!”
“You must be the best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes.”
“I really appreciate you washing the dishes tonight.”
“Thanks for getting the baby-sitter lined up for tonight. I want you to know that I don’t take that for granted.”
“I really appreciate your taking the garbage out.”

What would happen to the emotional climate of a marriage if the husband or the wife heard such words of affirmation regularly?

Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end you need to understand your spouse’s dialect. Continue Reading Love Language Part 1 – Words Of Affirmation…

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