Being Mum – Being Child

May 14, 2012 at 4:04 pm | Posted in parenting | 4 Comments
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For every mum there is a child and for every child there is a mum. This is one thing we all have in common: we all have a mother. There is this one person in your life you call ‘mum’. What happens to you when you think of your mum?

8 months ago I became a mother and my daughter is just starting to say mum-um-um… to my delight, of course. 4 months ago however I’ve also lost the person I called mum.

My mum’s death was sudden and as such unexpected. It left me wondering how orphans feel growing up without this one person to rely on, to talk to, to get support, love, encouragement and guidance from? Am I now an orphan?

It also made me contemplate the relationship I had with my mum over the years. I always felt close to her, even though we had our moments of disagreement and relationship challenges. I spent intensive times with her, especially in the last 15 years as I lived overseas and only saw her once a year but then for a few weeks or on holiday trips together. Growing up I always felt supported and never doubted her love for me. Still, like every mother – daughter relationship, we had our ups and downs, differentiating myself and my life from hers and practicing allowing her to be different to what I expected her to be.

Mothers, like sons or daughters, change. For me it wasn’t very easy to see her change, becoming older and partly more stubborn in her own ways. Even though I believed she had every right to make her own choices, I was annoyed at certain ones and downright angry at others. I had however learnt to keep my frustration and anger to myself, probably as I had learnt it from my parents. So outwardly I might have seemed accepting but naturally inwardly I had my human thoughts, emotions and reactions.

Having a child of my own opened my eyes to motherhood in a whole new way. I’m amazed at the intensity of what it takes to mother a child and it’s only been 8 months. In comparison to my mum, I have a very actively supportive husband who is taking his role as a father seriously, where my father, representing his time, was far less involved.

Mother’s Day has been created to remember those amazing things mothers do and show them our gratitude. (No, I haven’t forgotten Father’s Day but that’s another time of the year.)

The role of a mother (or a father) never stops, not even with death. As mentioned above, it is 4 months ago that I’ve lost my mum, but 8 months ago I also had the younger of my twin girls die. So not only do I have a child, I also have lost one and so have experienced the whole spectrum of having a child, losing a child and losing a mum in a short timeframe. I still very much feel this child of mine with me, as well as my mum. I will always remain mother to two girls, if people ask or not. I am a mother by honouring her soul who has passed on.

My mum and my younger daughter are still with me, even though not on a physical level. Neither mothering nor being a child never stops. Now I might not have ‘real’ conversations with them, but I still have them inside of me. I think of them, am angry and sad for their leaving me and my other child and I miss them.

If your mother is still alive, what are you waiting for?

If your mother has passed, what are you waiting for?

Have you found peace in the relationship with her?

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Relationship Wisdom – Staying Together Because Of The Kids

April 1, 2011 at 9:45 am | Posted in love/relationship/marriage, parenting | 4 Comments
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If you have children and are contemplating separation or divorce you will think twice about the likely consequences for them. Let’s have a look at some of the questions you need to ask yourself.

What are you role modeling to your kids?

Right or wrong

Depending on whom you ask, you will get their personal opinion of what they think is right or wrong. Let’s get this straight: there is no right or wrong in this situation. This is a very personal situation and if there was a clear-cut answer I am sure you would know it. Still, it wouldn’t make your case any easier.

Ask yourself:

  • What do I think about separation/divorce?
  • What are my past memories relating to this topic?
  • Is my concern about what others might think of me?
  • What would I think of me if I were to follow through and separate from my partner, leave the kids ‘behind’?

Children growing up with mum and dad versus single-parent families Continue Reading Relationship Wisdom – Staying Together Because Of The Kids…

Parenting Tips – Parenting With Consequences

March 24, 2011 at 5:22 pm | Posted in parenting | 2 Comments
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Parenting can be an exhausting task, especially if children and teenagers don’t easily follow the lead. Where in the past, parents used physical punishment as a way to get their kids in line, we nowadays use different ways to discipline them.

Can you be consquent as a parent?

Difference between consequences and punishment

Consequences will encourage the desired behavior where punishment accentuates what the child has done wrong. The emphasis is really different and it is important to communicate to the child what it is you do want as opposed to what you don’t want them to do. One other significant aspect is that consequences aim to keep lines of communication open where in punishment we often observe parents ignoring their children as part of the punishment.

Different consequences

There are a few different types of consequences: Continue Reading Parenting Tips – Parenting With Consequences…

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