After They Cheat – How a Relationship Can Survive an Affair

March 26, 2010 at 9:12 am | Posted in love/relationship/marriage | Leave a comment
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After the Affair...

Affairs can be exciting adventures that can have detrimental effects on the primary relationship, as some readers might well know from previous experience. There is however hope for reconciliation, if both partners do their share of the healing and forgiving.

In my practice I encounter many couples that have been suffering as an effect of an extra-marital affair or another form of ‘breaks in trust’. I am continuously astounded at the resilience couples have shown over the years. This is only partly due to the support I offer them and mainly to their own work and preparedness on dealing with the issue in a way that supports both partners.

Healing emotions

In regards to the past affair, sufficient time for healing Continue Reading After They Cheat – How a Relationship Can Survive an Affair…

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10 Key Principles About Relationships

March 23, 2010 at 12:32 pm | Posted in love/relationship/marriage, self development/motivation | Leave a comment
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Bring more to your relationship

# 1: The only difference between a love relationship and a friendship is intimacy. Ask yourself: With my current partner am I living in a friendship or a love relationship?

# 2: Personal evolution: Relationship is the fastest way to personally evolve. Your partner has VIP access to your hot buttons. Once you are past the honeymoon period you will be pushing each other’s buttons, whether you like it or not, for the purpose of growth and expansion of who you are.

# 3: Knowing one another: The basis of a sound relationship is to know another. It is not about what you know from the past, it is about what you discover freshly every day. Are you referencing your partner through past experience or through what is showing up in the present?

# 4: Affection: Continue Reading 10 Key Principles About Relationships…

Life Is Not Fair, Get Used To It

March 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm | Posted in communication, inspiration/humour, self development/motivation | 1 Comment
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Life is not fair!

Bill Gates said: ‘Life is not fair, get used to it.’ He is right. Some of you might cringe hearing this, some of you might want to negotiate over this fact and others might simply use some fatalistic sentence like ‘When it’s meant to be it will happen.’ Unfortunately, any of these approaches won’t help you when you experience really painful ‘unfairness’.

First of all we have to understand that what is fair and what is not is a question of perception. Fairness in life is not based on a rulebook with which experiences can be measured. What you mean by ‘being fair’ is your personal definition based on your values, which does not necessarily have to coincide with another person’s value system. Continue Reading Life Is Not Fair, Get Used To It…

Self-Appreciation

March 13, 2010 at 1:32 pm | Posted in self development/motivation | 1 Comment
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Self-Appreciation is the foundation of a healthy self-image and goes hand in hand with self-esteem and self-confidence. It starts with accepting the self and the way in which it is showing up in this life. This might not happen over night but as a process of self-discovery. Developing self-appreciation will lead to a fuller, healthier and happier life.

Self-Appreciation starts with loving yourself

Self-judgment and the judgment of others happen as the product of a consciousness developing to certain level of self-awareness. Self-judgment diminishes self-appreciation when the individual internalizes the consequences that stem from these judgments. Therefore it is crucial to nurture self-esteem and practice self-appreciation to assure the health and well-being of the individual.

Use the following technique to allow Self-Appreciation into your life: Continue Reading Self-Appreciation…

Dr. Seuss…

March 9, 2010 at 10:26 am | Posted in inspiration/humour | Leave a comment
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Dr Seuss recommends:

Be who you are &

say what you feel,

because those who mind don’t matter,

and those that matter don’t mind!

DIY Time Line Therapy

March 6, 2010 at 5:08 pm | Posted in inspiration/humour, self development/motivation | Leave a comment
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Time Line Therapy is very useful to resolve past trauma and hurt.

Recently I found this suggestion in a book called ‘things to do now that you’re 40’ by Rebecca Hall:

Recall an insecure period in your childhood. Remember the things that troubled you. Now reach back over decades, with the wisdom you have now and tell that little child everything is going to be okay.

Great little technique – however if you’re aiming to resolve major trauma you’re better of going to see someone who can facilitate the process for you with experience.

Time Line of the Future

Working Long Hours – The Effect on Your Relationship

March 4, 2010 at 8:06 am | Posted in love/relationship/marriage | Leave a comment
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Working Hours & Relationships

Being part of the ‘Living in Australia’* research study I recently received their information and insight brochure. According to the their research study ‘Working long hours – it’s good for your marriage’ and  you now have reason to work more! The research implies that being obsessed in your job is no longer the sin it used to be.

Reading on I’m getting a bit confused:

‘Many people believe that working long hours is damaging for personal relationship. However, recent studies have shown that the likelihood of divorce falls with the number of hours worked by the husband.

Research using HILDA data from 2001 to 2006 has found that men in jobs with long hours are more likely to divorce that anyone else. This research has also found that the optimal work arrangement is where a male works a 41 – 49 hour week. Beyond this the risk of seperations rises, but is still lower than for couples where the male works a 35 – 40 hour week. The likelihood of separation declines with the duration of the marriage and with higher household income.

Given this article I’m wondering how the research data is being evaluated. Given that I’ve answered their question for the last 6 years I’m familiar with the structure of their research and the thoroughness of their questions and still it leaves me in amazement on how they come to this conclusions.

What do you think? How do ‘working hours’ affect your relationship?

(* The Living in Australia study began in 2001. In this study we collect and analyse information from thousands of different families and individuals across Australia. We ask questions about life in Australia including your employment, family relationships, education and wellbeing.)

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