How to Manage the ‘Wanting-to-fix-my-Partner’ Pattern
April 21, 2009 at 1:34 pm | In communication, marriage, relationship, self development | Leave a CommentTags: commitment, communication, relationship, self-actualization, self-awareness
Hairy ears?
After the glow of the honeymoon period in a relationship wears off and we regain the full awareness of our reality by taking off the rose colored glasses, we slowly become aware of the small and not-so-small imperfections in our partner.
Depending on our need for perfection we slowly but surely start to work on repairing our partner.
Usually it is one partner that more feels the urge to suggest improvements and these might range from an updated wardrobe, removing excess hair, squeezing pimples to picking on the shirt that is tucked in too tightly. Besides the personal improvements there might also be suggestions on books to read, encouragement on courses to join, engaging with a specific set of friends, or softly controlling your partner’s choice on the amount of time spent alone or with other friends.
Continue reading How to Manage the ‘Wanting-to-fix-my-Partner’ Pattern…
Are You Communicating Effectively in Your Relationship? Part 2
December 13, 2008 at 7:36 pm | In communication, health, language, relationship, the journey | Leave a CommentTags: communication, relationship
Good communication is the cornerstone of happy relationships. Learn how to talk and listen successfully. We all know good communication is at the heart of every good relationship. Whether it has been a wonderful or a rotten day, whether there has been a crisis or a triumph, sharing it in words makes you and your partner feel more understood, more appreciated, more loved. The ability to communicate well is the most important relationship skill of all.
Here are the rest of the foolproof lessons to help you both talk and listen effectively and conquer bad communication habits for good.
Lesson Three: train him to communicate
It is not your imagination. Men do find it harder to communicate than women do. Little girls literally have more of their brain devoted to using words. Men are not taught basic communication skills in the same way as women are. And they are more likely to feel uncomfortable with any communication that involves strong emotion.
- Show him how to listen. Show him just how loved you feel when he keeps eye contact as you talk; when he responds to what you say; when he asks you questions. Tell him particularly when his good listening gets a result, when it helps you make the right decision or feel more positive about a situation.
- Show him how to talk, particularly about sensitive issues. Look out for his signals of wanting to confide – a broody silence, more hugs than usual, seeming irritable. When you spot these signs, give him space to express himself and he will slowly learn that opening up is a positive thing to do. Continue reading Are You Communicating Effectively in Your Relationship? Part 2…
Are You Communicating Effectively in Your Relationship? Part 1
November 27, 2008 at 4:36 pm | In communication, love, relationship, self development | 2 CommentsTags: communication, effective, lesson, relationship
Communication...
Good communication is the cornerstone of happy relationships. Learn how to talk and listen successfully
We all know good communication is at the heart of every good relationship. Whether it has been a wonderful or a rotten day, whether there has been a crisis or a triumph, sharing it in words makes you and your partner feel more understood, more appreciated, more loved. The ability to communicate well is the most important relationship skill of all.
Here are five foolproof lessons to help you both talk and listen effectively and conquer bad communication habits for good.
Lesson One: listen well
Though you probably listen to your partner a lot, do you listen effectively? Half-hearted attention, with one eye on the kids or the television, is often worse than not listening at all because it comes across as if you are not interested. Instead:
- Set aside ten or twenty minutes with each other every day to ‘update’. If you have a busy life, it can seem like time wasted, but make sure concerns are aired and you understand each other. It really can avoid problems down the line.
- When you are listening, aim to make your partner the centre of attention. Turn to him, look at him, and put other thoughts aside until he is finished speaking.
- Use positive body language to acknowledge what he is saying with a nod or a smile. He will feel appreciated and therefore more likely to listen to you.
- To show you have listened, repeat back what you have heard or ask a focused question. This shows him you understand and sympathise. Continue reading Are You Communicating Effectively in Your Relationship? Part 1…
Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time
May 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm | In communication, love | Leave a CommentTags: communication, love language, quality time
Giving someone your undivided attention is spending ‘quality time’ with them. A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Togetherness has to be focused attention. The important thing emotionally is that you are spending focused time with each other. The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness.
Within every language, there are many dialects. Here below you will find just a few but in the end you need to understand your spouse’s dialect.
Togetherness:
Spending time together with focused attention. What happens on an emotional level is what matters. It communicates that you care about each other, that you enjoy being with each other, that you like to do things together.
Quality conversation:
Quality conversation is sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feeling, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.
Some practical tips: Continue reading Love Language Part 2 – Quality Time…
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