Learning to let go...

Have you ever realised that you have different attitudes in bringing up your children than your partner? I bet you have, otherwise you might be partly in denial or not be too involved in the education of them. The reason why the attitudes differ might be connected to the differences in your unresolved childhood issues.

Through my experience in therapy it has become very obvious that many of our attempts to ‘do the best for our children’, be it by teaching our children, supporting them in finding their own way, showing them the right way to act, being mindful of our fellow human beings etc are a way to resolve some of the unresolved issues of our own childhood. This obviously does not just apply to child rearing; we could in fact look at many other areas in life and find the same pattern operating.

Let’s have a look at an example: John is taking care of his 14 year old step-son Mark while his wife Julie (the mother) is at work. Mark asks to go to a friend’s place to which John agrees under the circumstance of Mark returning at 5.30pm. When Mark has not returned home by 6.30pm John is worried and mentions to Julie that they should pick him up. Julie does not see the problem in Mark being out at this time and does not understand John’s worry. They start to argue the point to which in the end Julie storms out the door and goes to pick up Mark.

So what happened underneath the surface? John was attempting to heal and work through his unresolved childhood wounds. Having experienced situations in his upbringing where he felt pain and humiliation where he perceived himself staying too long at a friends’ place and interfering with people’s plans John wants to make sure this does not happen to Mark. Julie on the other hand has no such comparable preconceptions or past history of Mark’s presence potentially disturbing other people’s plans.

Basically John and Julie are unconsciously comparing their perceptions of reality based on their differing filtering system. These filtering system, also referred to as ‘cognitive distortions’, are the basis of how we view the current situation based on what we’ve experienced in the past.

Next time you realise a situation is coming up like that, ask yourself: What part of my history do I want to heal here? Which ‘younger self’ of mine does need understanding, support, nurturing or forgiveness of having done something apparently wrong by doing the best he or she could with the resources present at the time? This is bringing the unconscious pattern to the light of consciousness.

As many famous psychologists, writers and therapists say: ‘It is never too late to have a happy childhood.’

Start re-writing your history now.

Today I would like to thank Lorna Martin who wrote the book called  ‘Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown’ for showing the courage, honesty and openness to tell the story of her experience being in therapy.

Here a quote from her book:

‘Of all the lessons I learned during that bizarre journey with her [her therapist], I think the most valuable was about not suppressing or denying  emotions and not leaving important things unsaid or only partially said. I know now, thanks to her, that attempting to avoid uncomfortable or difficult feelings – whether of loss or love or rage or jealousy – leads to greater and long-lasting pain.’

Nowadays most of the book I read are about self development, the expansion of consciousness and awareness, psychologically interesting material or research in human development. I thoroughly enjoyed this novel by Lorna and can highly recommend it to anyone who thinks that therapy is for the weak and needy and selfish…

http://www.lornamartin.com/

Feeling overwhelmed is a state that EVERY person can relate to. Have you ever thought about that you might be pushing yourself too hard to get things done and not taken other support into consideration? I can definitely relate to that.

Remember: Support can come in many forms…

Here is what Abraham has to say to feeling overwhelmed:

‘A feeling of being overwhelmed is your indicator that you are denying yourself access to all manner of cooperation that could assist you if you were not disallowing them.

As you begin to feel freer regarding the expenditure of time and money, doors will open, people will come to assist you, refreshing and productive ideas will occur to you, and circumstances and events will unfold. As you change the way you feel, you access the Energy that creates worlds. It is there for your ready access at all times.’

— Abraham

If you’ve never failed – you’ve never lived:

This is a very cool original animation by Louis Lefebvre which chronicles the evolution of Consciousness from its inanimate state into human form and then back through spiritual seeking to Oneness. Its inspiration is the spiritual teaching of Wayne Liquorman and Ramesh S. Balsekar.

Courtesy of www.advaita.org

... the nature of life ...

All judgment reveals itself

to be self-judgment in the end,

and when this is understood

a larger comprehension

of nature of life takes its place.

David R. Hawkins

What do you want your experience to be?

~

The experience
that you have with others
is about
what you evoke from them.

~

Watch this clip for real enlightening insights into the shift of consciousness we are currently going through.

He says:

Remember…
A change in perception brings about a change in feeling
that brings about a change in consciousness.

Consciousness impacts your very experience of life which subsequently creates a shift in destiny.

Sri Bhagavan on 2012

You will always attract that which you focus on…

... everything under control ...?

Attempting to Control Others Attracts More to Be Controlled…

It is easy to understand how you would come to the conclusion that your path to feeling good is through influencing or controlling the behavior of others. But as you attempt to control them (through influence or coercion), you discover that not only can you not contain them – but your attention to them brings more like them into your experience. You simply cannot get to where you want to be by controlling or eliminating the unwanted.

— Abraham